We all want to be happy. Yet often it does not work. It doesn’t because we try too much, we get lost and we don’t know ourselves. Seeking happiness, we don’t realize that we already have it. We forget that beauty is always here, never there. Avoiding uncomfortable feelings we’re avoiding ourselves.

“One has to be the wave”

Everyone wants to feel joy and ride the wave. Some time ago I read words of Tadeusz Kantor (Polish artist) “one can’t always ride the wave – one ought to be the wave”.

We like to avoid feelings of sadness, anger, shame and other less pleasant ones. There are plenty of strategies of running away from them. We all know one or two. We’re no different in that. Meeting with these feelings on the other hand seems to be super hard.

My shame

I recently dealt with the feeling of shame. I associate shame with something ugly, something I want to hide away from the world. It’s caused by a revelation that does not fit into my image of myself.

It does not fit into my image that my paintings are associated with a motive I don’t want them to be associated with or that I fall in love with someone I’d rather not. That, however, is life’s most intelligent way of showing me the masks that I’m still wearing. And a road to freedom and true happiness means to meet with everything  that appears in me, also with shame.

Shame and fear of letting go of comfortable old patterns, which do not work any longer. Yet standing in the light of truth, in the fire of a feeling that I am afraid of, liberates.

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